{"id":12281,"date":"2025-08-19T20:27:27","date_gmt":"2025-08-19T20:27:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/?p=12281"},"modified":"2025-12-11T02:39:44","modified_gmt":"2025-12-11T02:39:44","slug":"fair-is-fair-why-compersion-only-goes-so-far","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/fair-is-fair-why-compersion-only-goes-so-far\/","title":{"rendered":"Fair Is Fair&#8230; Why Compersion Only Goes So Far\u200b"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"12281\" class=\"elementor elementor-12281\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8f188d8 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"8f188d8\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-bb027e9 bg-border e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-child\" data-id=\"bb027e9\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e50d29f main-head e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-child\" data-id=\"e50d29f\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4edbeba elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"4edbeba\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<style>\/*! elementor - v3.23.0 - 23-07-2024 *\/\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}<\/style><h1 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Fair Is Fair... Why Compersion Only Goes So Far<\/h1>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a436bcb main-head e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-child\" data-id=\"a436bcb\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8102b5f elementor-widget-mobile__width-inherit elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"8102b5f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<h5 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">New Swinger Podcast | <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/fair-is-fair-compersion-vs-the-lizard-brain\/id1734698162?i=1000722893555\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Apple<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/3GVH9KElP5TqH3QrmImNUP?si=5680eecf2ec5444e\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Spotify<\/a><\/h5>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ce2b002 spotifyplayer elementor-widget elementor-widget-html\" data-id=\"ce2b002\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"html.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<iframe data-testid=\"embed-iframe\" style=\"border-radius:12px\" data-src=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/embed\/episode\/3GVH9KElP5TqH3QrmImNUP?utm_source=generator\" width=\"100%\" height=\"352\" frameBorder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"\" allow=\"autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" data-load-mode=\"1\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e65d9ce elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"e65d9ce\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<style>\/*! elementor - v3.23.0 - 23-07-2024 *\/\n.elementor-widget-text-editor.elementor-drop-cap-view-stacked .elementor-drop-cap{background-color:#69727d;color:#fff}.elementor-widget-text-editor.elementor-drop-cap-view-framed .elementor-drop-cap{color:#69727d;border:3px solid;background-color:transparent}.elementor-widget-text-editor:not(.elementor-drop-cap-view-default) .elementor-drop-cap{margin-top:8px}.elementor-widget-text-editor:not(.elementor-drop-cap-view-default) .elementor-drop-cap-letter{width:1em;height:1em}.elementor-widget-text-editor .elementor-drop-cap{float:left;text-align:center;line-height:1;font-size:50px}.elementor-widget-text-editor .elementor-drop-cap-letter{display:inline-block}<\/style>\t\t\t\t<p>Swinging isn&#8217;t about keeping score. It&#8217;s about showing up for your partner &#8211; mid-play, post-fizzle, and everything in between. Here\u2019s how to make \u201cfair\u201d feel sexy and let comperson beat the lizard brain.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-fb8885b elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"fb8885b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<h5 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">By: <u>Kat Swings<\/u><\/h5>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c6a3eef highlight-text e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-child\" data-id=\"c6a3eef\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7d2076c elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"7d2076c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p data-start=\"1333\" data-end=\"1561\">So, your partner had a wild night and now you\u2019re standing there like, \u201cCool cool cool\u2026 but when\u2019s <em data-start=\"175\" data-end=\"179\">my<\/em> turn?\u201d We get it. It\u2019s easy to fall into the \u201cfair is fair\u201d trap in the lifestyle\u2014but babe, this isn\u2019t recess and we\u2019re not trading juice boxes. Swinging isn\u2019t about keeping score. It\u2019s about showing up for each other &#8211; whether you\u2019re in a three-way, a dry spell, or just trying to remember where you left your panties. Let\u2019s talk about what <em data-start=\"520\" data-end=\"526\">real<\/em> fairness looks like (spoiler: it\u2019s not a 1:1 swap of orgasms).<\/p><p data-start=\"402\" data-end=\"913\"><span style=\"color: #000000; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;\">Find all of this and more in this can\u2019t-miss episode of the<\/span><span style=\"color: #000000; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;\">\u00a0<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold; color: #000000;\">Vanilla Swingers podcast<\/span><\/a><span style=\"color: #000000;\">.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b19b4eb elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"b19b4eb\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<style>\/*! elementor - v3.23.0 - 23-07-2024 *\/\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}<\/style>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1080\" height=\"1080\" src=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/instagram-vanilla-swingers-compersion-fair-is-fair.png\" class=\"attachment-full size-full wp-image-12316\" alt=\"Fair is Fair Compersion vs the Lizard Brain - Vanilla Swingers\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/instagram-vanilla-swingers-compersion-fair-is-fair.png 1080w, https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/instagram-vanilla-swingers-compersion-fair-is-fair-300x300.png 300w, https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/instagram-vanilla-swingers-compersion-fair-is-fair-1024x1024.png 1024w, https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/instagram-vanilla-swingers-compersion-fair-is-fair-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/instagram-vanilla-swingers-compersion-fair-is-fair-768x768.png 768w, https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/instagram-vanilla-swingers-compersion-fair-is-fair-430x430.png 430w, https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/instagram-vanilla-swingers-compersion-fair-is-fair-220x220.png 220w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1080px) 100vw, 1080px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-783ebec highlight-text e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-child\" data-id=\"783ebec\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-eeaab29 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"eeaab29\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">\ud83d\udcad PSA: Fair Is Selfless, Not Score-Based<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1cc226a elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"1cc226a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p data-start=\"1970\" data-end=\"2265\">If you\u2019re using \u201cfair is fair\u201d to justify your next hookup like it\u2019s a swinging version of rock-paper-scissors\u2026 you\u2019re missing the point. This lifestyle works best when it\u2019s not transactional. It\u2019s not about keeping things \u201ceven.\u201d It\u2019s about being <em data-start=\"2218\" data-end=\"2228\">selfless<\/em> in the most delicious, grown-up way. After all, it&#8217;s sexy to see your partner happy.<\/p><p data-start=\"2267\" data-end=\"2456\">Be the kind of partner who <em data-start=\"2294\" data-end=\"2301\">wants<\/em> your person to win &#8211; even if it\u2019s not your night. Because spoiler alert &#8211; your turn is coming. And it\u2019ll be even better when they feel safe, hyped, and held.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4320d94 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"4320d94\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">\ud83d\udc30 The Greyhound & The Bunny<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b9d0064 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b9d0064\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>You\u2019ve been the compersion queen (or king) &#8211; cheering your partner on, soaking in their pleasure like a champ. But then\u2026 someone flirts with <em data-start=\"332\" data-end=\"337\">you<\/em>, touches <em data-start=\"347\" data-end=\"352\">you<\/em>, makes <em data-start=\"360\" data-end=\"365\">you<\/em> the star of the show. That\u2019s your greyhound moment &#8211; the instant your lizard brain catches the mechanical bunny and goes, \u201cWait\u2026 <em data-start=\"493\" data-end=\"496\">I<\/em> like this.\u201d And just like that? Compersion steps back into the shadows for a bit. Because once the greyhound catches the bunny, he doesn\u2019t race again &#8211; he\u2019s put out to pasture. And honestly? That\u2019s when the real magic happens. When both partners have tasted the thrill, when both have gotten theirs, the dynamic shifts into a more balanced, 50\/50 playground of pleasure.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e097f15 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-child\" data-id=\"e097f15\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e2f4f06 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"e2f4f06\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"500\" height=\"542\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/grehound-bunny-meme.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full wp-image-12289 lazyload\" alt=\"greyhound and bunny meme\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/grehound-bunny-meme.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/grehound-bunny-meme-277x300.jpg 277w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 500px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 500\/542;\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e6678e4 highlight-text e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-child\" data-id=\"e6678e4\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8aa1bf2 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"8aa1bf2\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">\ud83d\udc98 Compersion vs. Lizard Brain<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6c9860d elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"6c9860d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p data-start=\"2909\" data-end=\"3050\">Your evolved brain says: \u201cWow, they\u2019re having the time of their life. I love this for them.\u201d\u00a0Your lizard brain says: \u201cWhere\u2019s <em data-start=\"3037\" data-end=\"3041\">my<\/em> fun?!\u201d<\/p><p data-start=\"3052\" data-end=\"3327\">Let\u2019s not pretend this isn\u2019t real. But the secret? You don\u2019t have to <em data-start=\"3121\" data-end=\"3129\">listen<\/em> to the lizard. You can pause, take a breath, and choose compersion. You can choose joy, for your partner, for now because your night isn\u2019t over. And your relationship is so much more than a one-night tally.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-66e76c9 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"66e76c9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">\ud83e\udde0 Mindset Check: Are You Actually a Team?<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b2e36bb elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b2e36bb\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<ul><li data-start=\"3384\" data-end=\"3457\"><p data-start=\"3386\" data-end=\"3457\">Respect their <em data-start=\"3400\" data-end=\"3404\">no<\/em> like it\u2019s your own. No pouting. No guilt-tripping.<\/p><\/li><li data-start=\"3458\" data-end=\"3522\"><p data-start=\"3460\" data-end=\"3522\">Be excited for <em data-start=\"3475\" data-end=\"3482\">their<\/em> crush like you\u2019re watching a rom-com.<\/p><\/li><li data-start=\"3523\" data-end=\"3631\"><p data-start=\"3525\" data-end=\"3631\">When they\u2019ve had a string of \u201cmeh\u201d nights? Prioritize making theirs epic &#8211; even if your last three were \ud83d\udd25. And you want more.<\/p><\/li><li data-start=\"3632\" data-end=\"3720\"><p data-start=\"3634\" data-end=\"3720\">If they\u2019re quiet after play, don\u2019t go full play-by-play mode. Hold space. Be gentle.<\/p><\/li><li data-start=\"3721\" data-end=\"3840\"><p data-start=\"3723\" data-end=\"3840\">Celebrate their wins like your own and maybe more. Because that glow-up they\u2019re feeling? That benefits <em data-start=\"3826\" data-end=\"3832\">both<\/em> of you.<\/p><\/li><\/ul>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-28af190 highlight-text e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-child\" data-id=\"28af190\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ee9031a elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"ee9031a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"1536\" height=\"1024\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/lizard-brain-1.png\" class=\"attachment-full size-full wp-image-12288 lazyload\" alt=\"lizard brain\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/lizard-brain-1.png 1536w, https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/lizard-brain-1-300x200.png 300w, https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/lizard-brain-1-1024x683.png 1024w, https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/lizard-brain-1-768x512.png 768w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 1536px) 100vw, 1536px\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 1536px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 1536\/1024;\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1874ff0 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"1874ff0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">\ud83d\udcac Communication Is the Love Language<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-85b6cc0 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"85b6cc0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p data-start=\"3896\" data-end=\"3971\">You don\u2019t need a lifestyle PhD. You just need to open your mouth with love.<\/p><ul data-start=\"3973\" data-end=\"4419\"><li data-start=\"3973\" data-end=\"4046\"><p data-start=\"3975\" data-end=\"4046\">Right before walking into a club? Whisper, \u201cYou look so hot tonight.\u201d<\/p><\/li><li data-start=\"4047\" data-end=\"4123\"><p data-start=\"4049\" data-end=\"4123\">Mid-play? Try a soft \u201cYou\u2019re amazing.\u201d Little validations go a long way. We have a non-verbal sign that means, &#8220;I love you&#8221; during play.<\/p><\/li><li data-start=\"4124\" data-end=\"4225\"><p data-start=\"4126\" data-end=\"4225\">After a fizzle? Say \u201cThat wasn\u2019t what we hoped, huh? Wanna get tacos and try again next weekend?\u201d<\/p><\/li><li data-start=\"4226\" data-end=\"4317\"><p data-start=\"4228\" data-end=\"4317\">After a hit? Say \u201cWhat do <em data-start=\"4254\" data-end=\"4259\">you<\/em> want next?\u201d and mean it. Don\u2019t just ride your own high.<\/p><\/li><li data-start=\"4318\" data-end=\"4419\"><p data-start=\"4320\" data-end=\"4419\">If they\u2019re not feeling someone, don\u2019t force them to be the bad guy. You can say no for both of you.<\/p><\/li><\/ul><p data-start=\"4421\" data-end=\"4507\">And after your big night? Spend the next one hyping <em data-start=\"4473\" data-end=\"4479\">them<\/em>. That\u2019s how this stays fun.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d549c35 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"d549c35\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">\ud83d\udca1 Don\u2019t Match Nights. Match Energy.<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-bf808f0 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"bf808f0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p data-start=\"4573\" data-end=\"4798\">Your job isn\u2019t to recreate the exact same scenario they just had. It\u2019s to make sure they feel just as seen, sexy, and celebrated. You don\u2019t need a threesome to match a threesome. You need presence. Enthusiasm. Intentionality.<\/p><p data-start=\"4800\" data-end=\"4882\">Fair is fair, but only if it keeps both of you <em data-start=\"4846\" data-end=\"4855\">feeling<\/em> good, not keeping score.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3c98ff0 highlight-text e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-child\" data-id=\"3c98ff0\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7539feb elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"7539feb\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<style>\/*! elementor - v3.23.0 - 23-07-2024 *\/\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-con{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));--align-self:var(--container-widget-align-self,initial);--flex-shrink:0}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container{height:100%;width:100%}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer.elementor-widget-empty,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer.elementor-widget-empty{position:relative;min-height:22px;min-width:22px}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer.elementor-widget-empty .elementor-widget-empty-icon,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer.elementor-widget-empty .elementor-widget-empty-icon{position:absolute;top:0;bottom:0;left:0;right:0;margin:auto;padding:0;width:22px;height:22px}<\/style>\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c3b6ccc elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c3b6ccc\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated <strong>swingers podcast<\/strong> for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-cb8a5ca e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-child\" data-id=\"cb8a5ca\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b59a73f elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"b59a73f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/fair-is-fair-compersion-vs-the-lizard-brain\/id1734698162?i=1000722893555\" target=\"_blank\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"249\" height=\"60\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/05\/Untitled-6.png\" class=\"attachment-full size-full wp-image-5921 lazyload\" alt=\"\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 249px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 249\/60;\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d27de66 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"d27de66\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/3GVH9KElP5TqH3QrmImNUP?si=5680eecf2ec5444e\" target=\"_blank\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"243\" height=\"60\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/05\/Untitled-7.png\" class=\"attachment-full size-full wp-image-5922 lazyload\" alt=\"\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 243px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 243\/60;\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a26cbe7 elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"a26cbe7\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-335fb2c red-title-content e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-child\" data-id=\"335fb2c\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1888bc3 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"1888bc3\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Swinger Lingo (check <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/swinger-glossary-dictionary-lingo\/\">Swinger Dictionary<\/a> for more!)<\/h3>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c67cfae elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c67cfae\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);\"><span style=\"font-family: Poppins, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">Compersion<\/span><\/span><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: bold; font-family: Poppins, sans-serif;\">:<\/span><span style=\"color: #000000;\"> The ultimate feel-good vibe in the world of non-monogamy, where seeing your partner\u2019s pleasure brings a smile to your face and a flutter to your heart.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8a8857f elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"8a8857f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);\"><span style=\"font-family: Poppins, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">Cock-blocking<\/span><\/span><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: bold; font-family: Poppins, sans-serif;\">:<\/span><span style=\"color: #000000;\"> When someone crashes the vibe mid-steam. Accidental or on purpose, it\u2019s a total buzzkill\u2014unless it\u2019s Kat, who has been known to cock block with flair and a cheeky grin.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8967309 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"8967309\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-weight: bold; font-family: Poppins, sans-serif;\"><strong>GGG (Good, Giving, Game)<\/strong>:<\/span><span style=\"color: #000000;\"> Coined by Dan Savage, this one\u2019s the holy trinity of being a rockstar in the bedroom. Be\u00a0<em data-start=\"1214\" data-end=\"1220\">good<\/em>\u00a0in bed,\u00a0<em data-start=\"1229\" data-end=\"1237\">giving<\/em>\u00a0to your partner\u2019s pleasure, and\u00a0<em data-start=\"1270\" data-end=\"1276\">game<\/em>\u00a0to try new things (within reason). If everyone followed GGG, the world would be a much happier, wetter place.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-dafc0bc elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"dafc0bc\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2d0d873 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"2d0d873\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div style=\"flex: 0 1 auto; order: 0; align-self: auto; flex-flow: row; place-content: normal; align-items: normal; gap: normal; --swiper-theme-color: #000; --swiper-navigation-size: 44px; --swiper-pagination-bullet-size: 6px; --swiper-pagination-bullet-horizontal-gap: 6px; --widgets-spacing: 20px 20px; line-height: 32px; max-width: 100%;\" data-id=\"a1f0051\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\"><div style=\"transition: background 0.3s, border 0.3s, border-radius 0.3s, box-shadow 0.3s, transform 0.4s; height: 97px; margin: 0px;\"><p><span style=\"font-family: Poppins, sans-serif;\"><b>\u25c0\ufe0f <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/hot-takes-from-the-lifestyle-swingings-dirty-little-secrets\/\">Previous Episode\u00a0<\/a> \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/new-to-swinging-heres-how-not-to-suck\/\">Next Episode<\/a> \u25b6\ufe0f<\/b><\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-44ab450 elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"44ab450\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Fair Is Fair&#8230; Why Compersion Only Goes So Far New Swinger Podcast | Apple | Spotify Swinging isn&#8217;t about keeping score. It&#8217;s about showing up for your partner &#8211; mid-play, post-fizzle, and everything in between. Here\u2019s how to make \u201cfair\u201d [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"elementor_theme","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[57],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12281","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-swinger-advice"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Fair Is Fair... Why Compersion Only Goes So Far\u200b<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Ever find yourself keeping score in the lifestyle? \u201cYou had your threesome, now it\u2019s my turn\u201d? It&#039;s compersion vs. the lizard brain.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.vanillaswingers.com\/fair-is-fair-why-compersion-only-goes-so-far\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Fair Is Fair... Why Compersion Only Goes So Far\u200b\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Ever find yourself keeping score in the lifestyle? \u201cYou had your threesome, now it\u2019s my turn\u201d? 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